Atlantis Ahoy!

November 8^th, 2011

As you might be able to tell from the jump in dates here, I was so busy having an awesome time that I completely forgot to write about my journeys until now. The cruise ends in three days – I can't believe it's almost over! - so now seems as good a time as any to catch up on all the stuff we saw and did in the past two weeks.

So we left off at Barcelona and the gorgeous Gaudi church, right? Okay. Our next day was in Cartagena, except we took a bus trip over to Elche, where they have a huge palm tree forest that runs through the centre of the city. Our guide was awful. He repeated things at least three times, and spoke so slowly that I almost nodded off a few times. I had to tune him out when he said the following statement: “We do not have much rain in Elche. But it is so green! This is because of the irrigation. It is green here because of the irrigation. If we do not have the irrigation, then it is not green. So we use the irrigation to water the plants.” You get the idea.

While in Elche we saw a church, as well as a neat little medieval fair that was going on outside it. I preferred the medieval fair to the church, as there were dancers and singers and roasted sausages and the like – very festive, very fun. Then we went to the palm tree forest, which had – wait for it – palm trees. Seriously, it was really nice, very serene, and there was an “Imperial Palm” which was one palm tree with 8 stalks growing out of it.

The next day we docked in Malaga (still Spain) and took a bus trip up to Granada. Here's time for a cool bit of trivia – Granada is named as such because, when viewed from above, it resembles which fruit? Think about it – the answer's in the name. Did you guess pomegranate? Well done!

We went to Granada because that is where the Alhambra is located. The Moors settled Spain for a good portion of the middle ages, and they built a number of forts throughout the country. The biggest and best-preserved fort is the Alhambra. Although by fort, I really mean palace – as in, massive formal gardens, towering entrance halls, beautifully carved throne room, a special suite for his harem, etc. There was some excitement at the beginning when a woman fell down and broke her nose, but things proceeded smoothly from then on. In contrast to our Elche guide, our Alhambra guide was absolutely fantastic.

Let's see... ah yes, we also docked in Cadiz (our last Spanish port), where we took a bus trip to Seville. Seville is a lovely city, with a charming Jewish quarter and another Moorish fort, as well as a stunning plaza which may or may not be called the Spanish Plaza. I thoroughly enjoyed the sight-seeing, although we encountered yet another god-awful guide. He delighted in speed-walking off into the crowded streets of Seville while his tour group stretched out behind him in a line for upwards of two blocks. I am honestly shocked that we didn't lose anyone, because he clearly didn't give a damn about keeping track of us.

A big highlight in Seville was the cathedral. It was massive – like, bordering on St. Peter's Basilica large – and had the largest collection of gold I have ever seen. It was basically a huge section of wall that they covered with statues and carvings depicting Jesus' life... and then they just coated the entire thing in gold. Spectacular.

We passed through the straits of Gibraltar at one in the morning, and arrived in Porto Mao, Portugal, the next morning. This is the only port that we didn't go ashore at, because we had to use tenders (little boats) to get to the dock, and the ride was over 30 minutes. To clarify, this is an obscenely long tender ride, not to mention how choppy the water was. We ended up staying aboard the ship, relaxing, playing trivia, etc.

Then we went to Lisbon, where we decided to go see the Castle of St. George. This is basically a castle on top of a very high hill in the middle of the city. And yet we somehow managed to spend an hour lost in Lisbon, this massive fortress-topped hill magically eluding us. I would call that our most impressive feat of poor navigational skills yet, and I'm sure that mother would agree.

Anyway, we found the castle in the end, and it was really cool. All that was left were the towers and walls, but there were tons of them, and you could walk on the walls and go into the towers. Mother and I decided that this would be an excellent place to fend off an orc invasion, and we took several action pictures to that effect. We looked ridiculous, and I'm sure the other visitors got a kick out of watching us pretend to fire arrows down on their heads.

The next day was spent at sea, as we had to traverse the Atlantic over to Medeira island (owned by Portugal). We took a bus tour of the island, starting off in Funchal city, and then going up into the mountains to talk the cable car over to the botanical gardens. The gardens were actually my least favourite part – I far preferred the bus ride up the twisting, curving mountain road, with all the beautiful scenery. Medeira is a stunningly beautiful island, and I could totally see myself renting a villa there for a few weeks.

We departed from Medeira at 4:30... and with that we officially left Europe! The rest of the cruise was (and will be) spent at sea, crossing the mighty Atlantic and eventually arriving in Fort Lauderdale. Luckily there's lots to do on the cruise ship, and mother and I have been keeping nicely busy.

The first day out, the waves were really bad – 20-24 feet. Mom was not pleased, and spent a good deal of time trying to sleep off the effects of her sea-sickness. I don't get sea-sick, thank goodness, but I was still a bit unnerved. I mean, obviously I know that the ship isn't going to capsize, but it was still a bit worrisome. Especially since our bathroom has taken to creaking loudly at the slightest movement of the ship, and we have no idea which part is creaking, or how to stop it.

Back when I was first booking the cruise, my intention during the Atlantic crossing was to spend most of the time working on my novel. That... sort of worked out. I ended up re-reading / re-editing Imminent Danger, but I haven't gotten around to the sequel yet, which I had intended to spend most of my time on. Ah well. In my defence, we've been quite busy.

Every day at 1:30 there is group trivia up in the Crow's Nest with Cruise Director Drew, who always shows up late, and is incapable of keeping track of which question we're on. We have formed a group consisting of Dawn and Dave, and Carol and Mike, two couples from Jersey. Dawn and Carol are absolutely hilarious, especially Dawn, who is very outspoken. The husbands are much more subdued, an excellent counterpart to their boisterous wives.

At 6:30 there is Scattergories/Pub Trivia/Name That Tune with DJ Armen in the Northern Lights Disco. The activity changes every day, but our group – the X Team – stays the same. It consists of mother and I, Dawn and Carol from team trivia, and Marlene and Ben. Marlene and Ben are fascinating. They used to be high-stakes Vegas black jack card counters, and they have dozens of awesome stories from their gambling days.

Mom and I love DJ Armen, partially because he's exceedingly cool, and mostly because he gives us cruise ship bling every time we win one of his games. As of this moment, I have collected: 3 pins, a deck of cards, a set of coasters, a Rubik's cube, a “drink of the day”, a shopping bag... and that's all I can remember. Let's just say that the X Team kicks serious bottom.

Every day we go to the casino after group trivia and spend $10 gambling. Sometimes we play the slots, and other times we play the poker / blackjack machines. I never win, and Mom has a spotty record. We aren't being particularly successful gamblers, but it's still fun!

Mom is now standing over me, waiting for me to finish writing this so that we can go see the sunset. Farewell!

All Aboard!

October 25^th, 2011

On Saturday we went to the Tempietto and Castel San Angelo. The Tempietto is a round temple near the Spanish Embassy in Trastevere. It marks the site where St. Peter was crucified upside-down. Since it's Mom's favourite temple, we spent a fair deal of time there, and she claims that it has inspired her next dungeon. Considering how awesome it was, I'm pretty psyched to see what she cooks up.

Castel San Angelo is the big, round, brown building near St. Peter's on the riverside, for anyone who has been to Rome. It was originally constructed to be the tomb of Emperor Hadrian (he of Hadrian's Wall fame), but then, as everything in Rome, it was converted to Christianity and became a church... then a fortress... then a prison... and now a tourist attraction!

There's a really big bastion wall around the outside, various parts of which are named for saints. You can walk up past the treasure room, which features several huge metal chests that once held the popes treasures. The popes, you see, used to live in Castel San Angelo, at least until it got too dangerous and they had to vacate. And if you go to the top of the fort you can get a glorious view of Rome. It was a bit dilapidated, but very cool nonetheless.

On Sunday we went to the Appian Way, which is a long road that runs out the south end of Rome. It was built back in Roman times, since the Romans realized that good infrastructure is the key to a long-lasting empire. There are milestone markers every – wait for it – mile, and various catacombs, churches, and villas line the cobblestone road.

We took a bus down to the third milestone marker, got some lunch, then walked up to St. Sebastian's church. This is very important, because Sebastian is my favorite saint. I don't know what he did or why he died, but I do know that he died via arrows to the chest! He's very easy to pick out in artwork, and his death poses are always very dramatic, hence my attraction. And in his church they had a statue of him and presumably bits and pieces of his body as well. So that was fun.

Also visited on Sunday were catacombs. Catacombs, as in the kilometres long underground tunnels in which Christians buried / entombed their dead. It was... well, it was an experience. It wasn't particularly interesting for me, especially as our tour guide's accent was so thick that I could barely understand a sixth of what he said, although I guess it was kind of cool to be in an actual catacomb. It would have been better with zombies, but I suppose you can't ask for everything.

Monday was laundry day, as well as the Mouth of Truth and the Roman Forum. I did not get my hand devoured by the mouth, so I guess that means I'm a truthful person. And the forum was actually pretty sweet, as they've both started charging an entrance fee and opened up a bunch of previously closed sites. This means the signs are better quality now, plus there's more to see. We wandered around and took pictures, and I regaled mother with gangster-ized tales of Greek mythology.

The next morning – Tuesday – we had to get up nice and early to make our 10:30 check out time. We ended up being about 5 minutes late, but Miss Simona (the landlady) didn't give us a hard time. Final thoughts on the Rome apartment: both room and water was very cold, great location, moderately priced, helpful landlady. I wouldn't stay there again next time, but then I'm not planning on going to Rome for a long while. I've done it four times now, seen all the highlights, seen many of the lowlights, and developed a healthy dislike for their public transport system – I'd say I'm set.

So we left the apartment at 10:30, and struggled through the metro with our bags to get to Termini station. Rome apparently detests convenience, because there are only stairs in the subways – no escalators! This is not normally a problem, except for when you're, you know, carrying super heavy luggage around. On the plus side, a kindly Roman gentleman did help us carry our bags up one flight of stairs, so that did brighten our day a little. Thank you, amicable stranger!

We paused at the Termini station book shop so that Mom, who didn't bring any reading material, could purchase a book. I picked out one for her, and we headed off. Whilst Mom waited in a very long line, I attempted to use the automatic ticket machines, where a kind lady helped me out. It turned out she was actually one of those scam artists who helps you and then demands money, but she did actually prove of some use, so I gave her a euro and waved her away.

I got us tickets for the next train to Civitavecchia (the port), which left in 10 minutes. I figured that this would be fine, since we were like a minute away from the tracks. What I didn't realize is that the train to Civitavecchia leaves from platform 29, which is approximately a 10 minute walk from the rest of the platforms. Huzzah! So we half-ran half-jogged with our super heavy luggage through the hordes of people, and made it onto the train juuuuuust before it left. Mom wasn't pleased, but hey, we made it!

Got to Civitavecchia around 1 pm, and discovered that you have to walk to the port itself before you can get on the shuttle bus. Fine. So we walked the 400 meters and found the port. Then we waited 30 minutes for the shuttle, because apparently running buses any faster than that would be sheer madness. From there, things went much more smoothly – a good thing, as we were kind of frazzled by that point. Made it through check in no problem, were warned to wash our hands to avoid contagious gastrointestinal viruses (yay?) and boarded the MS Noordam!

We found our stateroom – on the 8^th deck, with a balcony and everything! - deposited our jackets, and headed out for lunch. The Lido deck has a buffet, so I had a delicious plate of mixed Asian food while Mom nibbled on some fruit salad. I will probably gain about 7-8 pounds on this cruise, and I know I should be wary about that, but... the food is soooo good! Sigh.

When the ship finally left port, we encountered a problem. You see, Mom gets sea sick very easily, and the waters were unnaturally rough for most of the early evening. We're talking try to walk down the hall and sway from wall to wall rough. It was bad. Mom lay down for about an hour and popped some gravol, while I did the meds part but also unpacked my suitcase. We tried to get ourselves into a stateroom on a lower deck, reasoning that the boat tilts more the higher up you go, but the cruise is booked solid.

We eventually ventured out for some food, and after some starch and ginger ale – not to mention the ship stopped moving so much – Mom felt a lot better. The food on this ship is... wow. Just fantastic. And we didn't even go to the fancy dining room, just the plain old buffet. We got chicken and prime rib and mashed potatoes and... yum yum yum. This is how people get so fat on cruises. There's so much food available all the time, but the worst part is that it is so delicious. If it was mediocre, there wouldn't be such a problem.

Tomorrow we're headed to Monaco, where we will be doing a shore excursion to Monte Carlo. We don't know quite what that will entail, but it does require us to get up at 7:00, which is lame. Regardless, I expect that we will have many fun times, and I will have to remember to pick up a postcard for Emily! She wants a postcard from all the new places I go, and I can't disappoint her or she won't make me cupcakes anymore.

October 27, 2011

Yesterday we woke up at the not-at-all-mind-numbing hour of 6:00 a.m. in order that mother and I both have the time required to wash, dress, and eat breakfast (room service!). We hit the auditorium by 8:30 am, then got to wait for the tenders – aka the little boats that bring you to shore. At the large sea ports they have actual docks you can, you know, dock at, but for the smaller ports, like Monaco, you have to leave your ship out to sea and get to shore via the tenders.

The waters were still a bit rough, so the tenders were boarding slowly. Imagine trying to jump onto a boat that's bobbing maybe a meter up and down. Now imagine you're sixty years old. It took a while for everyone to get on, let's just say that, shall we?

So we got ashore by 9:15, and the tour bus moved out around 9:30. Our first stop was a panoramic view of the city, which was, indeed, very panoramic. Some quick facts about Monaco for y'all: 2km square area, 35k population, 40k workers who commute from France and Italy, highest per capita wealth in the world. Monaco is basically a city where all the richest of the rich come to live, and this is entirely because it's a tax haven. Legit citizens – people who were born there – pay no taxes, and residents (people who gain citizenship) pay 5.5%. Compared to pretty much anywhere else, that's pretty sweet.

Rules to become a resident of Monaco: A) invest 1 million euros into the country. B) purchase land in Monaco. Note that land in Monaco is approximately 40k euros per square meter. Yeah. And C) live in Monaco half the year. This last rule is the easiest to flout, as residents simply hire people to live in their houses for them and then go chill elsewhere. Occupy Wall Street should take a field trip to Monaco if they really want something to complain about.

So we left the panoramic view and went over to Monacoville, which is one of the four districts in the country/city/principality where the palace, main church, law house, etc. are housed. The palace was meh, but it was fun to learn that Monaco has 0% crime. This is because they have cameras everywhere, so good luck committing a crime without being immediately caught.

Then we travelled back down to the new section of Monaco – built on land reclaimed from the sea – and we drove on our bus to the part of the road where the... wait for it... where the Grand Prix starts! We stopped at the starting line – the line, as well as car starting positions, are permanently painted on the road – and then the bus driver pretended to rev his engines and compete in the Grand Prix. It was silly but fun.

The best came last... can you guess? Monte Carlo, baby! Grand Casino, Cafe de Paris, Hotel de Paris, Gucci, Prada, etc. The Grand Casino didn't open until 2pm, so we couldn't go inside, but we did go to the casino inside the Cafe de Paris. We played the slots – I played Firebird, and Mom played a goldfish themed game. I increased my profits by 250%, and mother tripled her money. We only started off with 10 euros, of course, but it was still pretty awesome.

Headed back to the ship – the tender line took forever – and then went up to the Trivia Challenge in the Crow's Nest. Cruise people take their trivia seriously. There were like 10 teams with 6 people a team, answers were argued with the game coordinator, tempers flared, etc. We didn't win, needless to say. After that we went to the Northern Lights disco lounge (partay!) and played Scattergories, which was unbelievably intense.

It was formal night on the MS Noordam (the first of four), so mother and I prettied ourselves up and headed to the dining room. We sat with a man from Germany and his Australian friend who met over the internet, as well as two ladies from Florida. One lady, who had to be 90, was telling Mom these amazing stories – how she hired a famous painter to do her portrait, and he fell in love with her, how she's cruised around the world twice, etc. etc. The German man beside me was practising his English, and he regaled me with tales of Germany, as well as his Australian cruise, which was on a cruise ship so tiny and awful that his room flooded and they had to replace the carpeting.

Dinner itself was alright. I got a shrimp cocktail (very nice), salad (what can I say, it was salad), and roasted quail with goat cheese and spinach stuffing. The quail sounds very fancy, which it was, but it was kind of boring – basically a tiny chicken. I felt really bad for it – like I was eating a budgie or something. Not to mention it was a lot more trouble than it was worth. Dessert was brownies and cheesecake, since I was teetering between the two options so much that my waiter decided to just bring me both of them without consulting me, lol.

After dinner we headed to the show lounge for “Ballroom Blitz”, which I thought was pretty good, as far as cruise ship entertainment goes. It was also the Captain's Meet and Greet, so we got free champagne and did a toast to various crew members. The show was kind of a showcase of different types of dances – salsa, waltz, disco, ballet, etc. There were also four singers who sang various accompanying songs. Of course, this cruise – based both on the price and the time of year – is marketed towards retirees, so all the music was pre-1990. It was still really neat, though, and I heard lots of great songs I've never encountered before.

This morning (we're now on Thursday), we docked in Barcelona, Spain. We didn't have a shore excursion planned for the day, so mother let me sleep in until 8:30 am. I know. Wild. We got breakfast delivered like the decadent folk we are, got dressed, then encountered a hiccup in the form of mom having to email various work people before we could leave. We didn't actually get off the ship until 11:30 am, which was later than I would have preferred, although luckily the ship remained at port until 4:30 pm, so we had at least a few hours to check out Barcelona.

It wasn't a terribly pleasant day, weather-wise, as it was overcast in the early afternoon, and later started pouring. We walked up the Rambla (big, famous street in Barcelona), which was lined with restaurants, shops, tourist attractions, etc. A metro loomed up in front of us, and we decided to take it to go see the Sagrada de Familia church, designed by Gaudi. The name may not sound familiar, but you definitely know this building – it's brown, has four kind of flowery spires, looks like the facade is melting? Google it if you need a better description.

They had recently added a post-modern facade to the front door, which I personally thought was kind of... well, not exactly in keeping with the style of the church. Sagrada de Familia, you see, was started by Gaudi back in the 1890s, and still hasn't finished being built. All the entrance fees from tourists go towards the construction. So there were cranes everywhere, scaffolding, etc. - not very impressive.

Then we walked inside. You know that “holy shit” moment, when you discover something so mind-blowing that you kind of rock back on your heels and your thoughts go blank and you can't quite believe what you're seeing? Yeah, had one of those. The inside of this church is just phenomenal. It's got columns sprouting from all over the place that arch up into the roof and kind of melt into it, like a forest of tree trunks disappearing up into the canopy. Art deco stained glass windows everywhere, stone of every colour – grey, pink, blue, purple, etc. - spiral staircases that looked like they were straight out of Rivendell... fantastic. Just breath-taking. And the church isn't even finished yet – only one side is done, with the other still lacking stained glass and various other things. When they finally finish it I'm definitely going back, because I'm pretty sure it will be the most amazing building I will have ever seen.

Anyway, we liked the church. Once we hit up the gift shop, we took the metro back to the Rambla, where we stopped in a restaurant for tapas – tapas being little bowls of various snacks like seafood or potatoes or olives or whatever. We ate them with some sangria, and it was fairly cool. They were also playing a pop music countdown on the TV, which disturbed me, as I didn't recognize a single song. I need to catch up on my western music!

Headed back to the ship and hit up the trivia game once more. This time we were paired with a couple from South Texas who had wandered in out of curiosity and were delightfully chill about the game. We didn't win. Then we worked – correction, I wrote this blog and watched Bleach, and mother worked – and then went to Scattergories. We didn't win – this seems to be a developing trend – although we did get less incensed than yesterday.

We had dinner at the buffet, which wasn't all that good, unfortunately, although maybe I was spoiled by the fancy dinner last night. After that, though, we went to the show, which was great, and then we gambled a bit. I won $40 on the slots, then lost it all at the poker table. I then lost $7.50 more on the slots, so I guess that puts me down $2.50. Not too shabby, and lots of fun, although I think I'll stick to the slots from now on. They are very loud and colourful, which I enjoy. A lot.

We popped into the Karaoke room as well, which was hilarious. There was a really great singer named Mark who sounded similar to Frank Sinatra... and then there was the awful lady who screeched her way through a song I can't even remember. I've blocked it out of my memory. Mom tried to bribe me to sing, but I resisted with heroic effort. I threw her off the scent by saying “maybe next time”, so we'll so what happens!

More Rome

October 15^th, 2011

In a massive victory against the evil forces of jet lag, I slept for ten whole hours. I know, impressive, right? Lounged around as always, got the wireless internet password, then started my day.

The first stop was of course the breakfast bar down the street, where I can use my free breakfast coupon to get... well, I'm sure you can guess. So I go down to the cafe, and find about six police and two cop cars chilling outside. Oh dear. I poke my head inside, and see ten more cops inside, looking very serious, and no sign of the owner. So much for breakfast!

All was not lost, of course. I simply went to a different cafe, although I did have to pay for my croissant and hot chocolate. Ah well. While drinking my hot chocolate, I attempted to map out my day. The plan at point of inception was to skirt around the Coliseum, cross the river, then go up the west bank of the Tiber. We shall see if this is actually what happens. Hold onto your socks, people, this is going to get crazy.

The Coliseum part went swimmingly - “swimmingly” here being an accurate word choice, as I had to wade through a sea of hawkers selling pashminas and assorted souvenirs. My avoidance strategy was simple to ignore them, which worked well enough. It helps that I've gotten the “back off, I'm not interested” look down. I know that it's working, because I've seen hawkers follow people halfway around the Coliseum, trying to peddle their wares, but when they approach me they get the picture almost instantly and search for easier prey. I consider it my super power, and while it is certainly a lame super power to possess, it does come in handy.

Just before the river, I come upon a piazza I'd run across yesterday. My curiosity was piqued by a long line formed outside an unremarkable brown brick church. Intrigued, I peered betwixt the tourist heads and spotted... the mouth of truth! Dum dum dum. Yeah, exciting, right? Now I know where it is for when mother arrives. There wasn't a whole lot of point in lining up by myself, as I didn't have anyone to take a picture of me getting my hand bitten off by the stone mouth.

Crossed the river into Trastevere (pronounced trah-stay-vay-ray), meaning literally “across the Tiber”. Tevere is the Italian name for the Tiber. Anyway, there are fewer landmarks to navigate by in Trastevere, so I got lost for a bit, then paused at a lovely little cafe for lunch. Following my fettucine break, I walked up a hill and discovered the tempietto – aka the little round temple inside the Spanish Embassy that commemorates the site of St. Peter's upside-down crucifixion. Very pleased with my exploratory skills, I followed the Via Garibaldi, discovering various local landmarks along the way, including a big fountain and a mausoleum for all the people who died fighting for Italian unification.

Then I traversed a huge forested park on the top of a hill that gave a spectacular view of Rome. Good god is Rome a beautiful city. It honestly blows my mind, the sheer amount of history contained in such a small area. I love Canada, don't get me wrong, but Canadian cities just don't compare. How can they? They got into the game 2000 years late.

I wandered around the forest-park for a while longer, then descended down to stroll along the Tiber. My eventual destination was Castel San Angelo – which you may know from Angels And Demons – although I hadn't yet worked out whether or not I would go inside. The line looked fairly long, so I settled for walking around the outside of the castle. I particularly enjoyed the pope's escape tunnel, which runs from the Vatican to Castel San Angelo. It looks like a Roman aqueduct, and it's quite cool.

After that, I walked past a massive marble building whose purpose and name I don't know. It was probably important. Beside it was the real treasure, however – a Gothic church that houses the Purgatory museum. The church, unfortunately, has the strangest opening hours known to man – 9-11 and 5-7. What on earth do they do during the day? Have a siesta? This ain't Spain, people! Anyway, I got there at 4:15, so of course I was far too early. I ended up popping over to Piazza Navona... or at least, such was my intention. On the way I spotted the Museo Napoleonico, which I visited. It was unnerving. The collection itself – various paintings and memorabilia of Napoleon and his family – was fine, but the guards were like vultures. First the male guard followed me around for a bit, then the female guard took over. They followed me stealthily as I made my way through the rooms, always staying just at the edge of my peripheral vision. It was like they were convinced I would steal something the instant they turned their backs. It sounds like I'm exaggerating, but I swear I'm not. It was really annoying, and it was hard to enjoy the art with a pair of eyes constantly watching me.

By this point it was five o'clock, so I went back across the river and entered the Gothic church. The Purgatory museum was... well, it was underwhelming. They had a single glass case with various objects – bibles, cloth, paper, etc – into which hand prints had been burned. Spoooooky.

Hungry for dinner, I stopped at a little restaurant for dinner. My very friendly waiter was Samuel ♥ - he insisted I write his name with a heart following it. And thus I have! He laughed at my inability to speak Italian, then gave me an extra large piece of tiramisu for dessert. I feel that we bonded during our fleeting time together. Ha.

By that point it was nightfall, and like I said, Rome gets chilly after dark. I bundled myself up and headed for home, set on walking over to the Barberini metro stop and then taking the subway back to the hostel. But as I walked through downtown Rome, I noticed something strange – there were cop cars at literally every major intersection. And riot police just standing calmly beside SWAT vans, complete with helmets and shields. You could hear the helicopters flying overhead, and there was a nervous energy to the air.

So what was going on? I wondered this too as I passed cop car after cop car. The subway was closed, so I ended up walking all the way back. And I'm telling you, no exaggeration, the cops were everywhere. I didn't realize a city could have so many police officers. At first I thought it was some elaborate training exercise, since nothing actually seemed to be happening. Then I got back to my hostel, got on the internet, and discovered the truth. The G20 summit was meeting in France that day, and people all over the world got together in various cities to protest big business corruption. Except in Rome, things turned violent, and there were riots close to the Coliseum and the Vatican – riots as in burning cop cars, tear gas, etc.

I was eating dinner in Piazza Navona at the time, so I missed the riot itself, but I was definitely there for the aftermath. At first I was disappointed I missed it, until I realized that it would not, in fact, be very pleasant to be caught up in a riot. I thanked my lucky stars that I avoided such a dangerous situation, watched some Bleach, and went to bed. Another successful, if somewhat troubling, day in Rome!

October 20^th, 2011

I haven't written in the last few days due to the arrival of my mother!!! She got here on Monday the 17^th, so I spent most of that day travelling to and from the airport. The day before that, I spent the afternoon wandering around the Villa Borghese and surrounding environs. I bought tickets to get into the Borghese gallery, ate some gelato, and accidentally found the Spanish Steps. I've been doing that a lot in Rome – I'm trying to get somewhere, and then I turn a corner and discover some famous landmark. It's actually really fun, and I love how close everything is.

So Sunday was fairly uneventful. Monday, like I said, was spent acquiring mother from the airport. It was absolutely delightful to see her, as she is one of my very favourite people (obviously!), and we had a glorious reunion. We also moved into our apartment, which we rented for the week, which is good in that it has a kitchen, and bad in that it's really cold and runs out of hot water uncomfortably fast. The other problem is that it isn't a hotel, so we don't have a maid come in and clean every day. I have to do the dishes! Noooooooooooooooooooooes.

Monday evening we wandered around a bit, walked around the coliseum and circus maximus, and ate at a delicious little restaurant that was intent on cramming people into the room to the point of absurdity. We sat beside a Danish couple who were very enthusiastic about talking to us, but didn't actually have anything to say.

On Tuesday we walked around the forum, did a little shopping on the Via del Corso, visited Piazza Navona, the Pantheon, Campo del Fiore, and various other landmarks. We started off our day with pizza and grilled veggies at a local restaurant called Wanted, where we consumed a rather large quantity of wine that left us acting a little silly. We tried to visit the Mamertine Prison, where St. Peter and assorted famous people were imprisoned, but it cost money, so we decided to skip it.

Wednesday was Vatican day. Mom got up bright and early to do some work, and we were at St. Peter's Square by 10:15 am. We got there early in order to see the pope, who comes out in his popemobile on Wednesday mornings to wave at the crowd and say stuff in Italian. Apparently you have to book tickets in advance to actually get into the square, so we stood behind the barriers and watched. The view was pretty good, and we were next to a guy with a curly beard who spent the entire time clutching a rosary and whispering prayers at record speed.

We stopped for lunch at a nearby pizzeria, where we learned a valuable lesson: always ask the price of wine. It was only 13 euros, but that's still way higher than we wanted to pay for half a litre of vino. We also learned that if the waiters standing outside the restaurants are really insistent that you come inside, you probably want to go elsewhere. My waiter tried to guilt me into giving him a bigger tip, which was quite unpleasant.

After that we went to the Vatican museum, where we had an awesome encounter. The ticket salesman asked us if we wanted one adult ticket and one student ticket, to which I of course said, “No, I'm not a student”. He looked us over, said authoritatively, “Una mama e una bambina”, sold me the student ticket, and waved us through.

The Vatican museums were very cool, and we purposely didn't take a guided tour so that we would have time to actually see everything. Don't believe the tour guides when they say it's a 2 hour wait to get into the Vatican museum – it took all of 5 minutes. There were mummies and statues and billion-dollar bird baths and paintings and more statues and columns and maps and tapestries... basically everything you could hope for in a museum. The bird bath I reference – actually a bath tub – is made of purple porphery marble, a rock so rare that it has all been mined, meaning that it is ridiculously valuable. The Vatican museum has both a room-sized bathtub and two sarcophagi made of the stuff, and each item is easily worth over a billion euros individually.

So we went through the museum, then went into St. Peter's Basilica via the Sistine Chapel. St. Peter's is as magnificent as always, although nothing can beat seeing it for the first time. It was quite literally the most amazing experience of my life. My fourth time visiting was still awesome, but just not on par with the first time. Isn't that always the way, though?

Mom had to work that evening, so I found us some kebabs and we stayed in that night to eat them and accomplish things – by which I mean Mom worked and I messed around on the computer and generally wasted time. It was wonderful. The next morning (Thursday), Mom worked for a good seven or eight hours, so we didn't end up leaving the apartment till almost 5 pm. We did some shopping along Via Nazionale, then walked up to the Spanish Steps to get some nighttime shots. We ended up dining near the steps, then strolled back to the apartment around 11pm. I ended up purchasing some lovely black suede shoes, which I will be wearing on the formal nights on the cruise, as well as a hair clip.

Tomorrow we will be going to the Borghese gallery to see my favourite statue, Bernini's Apollo and Daphne. I can't wait!!!

October 21^st, 2011

We actually managed to leave the apartment before noon today, which I was pretty pleased with. I acquired tickets to the 3pm time slot at the Borghese Gallery, so we had that much planned, and the rest we decided to play more or less by ear.

Our path took us up the Via Del Corso – the main north/south street in Rome – where we did some window shopping. We paused for lunch at a little pizzeria, and had roast lamb and grilled veggies. I wasn't all that impressed, but mom said it was good, so I guess we'll average the two and say that it was alright. I've been attempting to understand why people like red wine so much, and in this vein we ordered a half-litre of the house red, which was fine. We had a Shiraz the night before that was very close to being delicious – which explains why it's mom's favourite drink.

We went through Piazza del Popolo, then took the staircase up to the Borghese gardens / park. After a leisurely stroll through the trees and gardens and fountains, we arrived at the Villa Borghese, a palatial home transformed into an art gallery.

The Borghese Gallery is one of my favourite places in the world, because it houses Bernini's Apollo and Daphne. The story of Apollo and Daphne, of course, is that Apollo gets hit with a love arrow, and Daphne gets hit with a hate arrow. Apollo chases Daphne, who flees to her river god father and begs him to save her. He inexplicably does so by turning her into a tree, and thus Apollo is denied her charms.

Bernini's statue captures the moment of transformation from nymph to tree. The bark grows up her torso, stopping around midriff, her toes lengthen into roots, her hair turns to leaves... all masterfully done in gleaming white marble. Apollo reaches out to grasp his love, but the flesh under his fingers turns to cool bark. It's the most beautiful statue I've ever seen, and is easily my favourite work of art.

Now that my art lecture is out of the way, let's get back to the day's events! So after our trip through the Borghese gallery, mom and I rented out a 2-person bicycle (which had four wheels and was partially motorized), and we spent a lovely hour wheeling our way through the gardens.

After the bicycle ride, we wandered down Via Venetto, which is a super high class street with lots of embassies and hotels. We stopped and got some hot chocolate and strudel, then did a little shopping and headed back to the apartment.

Mom and I have decided to go a little lighter on the lunch wine, as we tend to get a little silly / unfocused for the rest of the afternoon. We have also decided to leave earlier in the morning – if we can! – as there's lots to do and not enough time to do it in. Still, there's something to be said for a leisurely vacation, and we're certainly enjoying ourselves thus far!

Day 3 in Rome

October 14, 2011

Woke up at 6 freaking 30 this morning, which normally would have sent me into a rage. However, seeing as I went to bed at 10:30 last night, it actually is a fairly reasonable hour to awaken. Watched some Bleach, got dressed, had breakfast with a nice German woman and her daughter, then started my day.

My first goal was the Domus Aurea, Nero's Golden House, which was supposedly the epitome of lavish overspending of public funds. It wasn't open last time I was here, and sadly it wasn't open today either. Still, I wandered around the park, saw the massive ruins of Trajan's baths, and generally bonded with nature.

Now, the Domus Aurea park leads straight to the Coliseum, so that's where I went next. Not inside, as it's rather on the expensive side, but it was just as impressive as I remember it. Even half crumbled away, it's still a marvel of Roman architecture. Plus it makes for a great photo backdrop.

There's more parkland south-west of the Coliseum, so I wandered over there in search of something interesting. I discovered a church, which wasn't overly exciting, and a library full of really old maps. The coolest item was the big globe that was so old, both Americas were simply water – by which I mean they hadn't been discovered yet.

During my exit from the park, I happened upon a huge church with flying buttresses so wide that you could actually drive down the road they built between the arches. Halfway down Flying Buttress Alley, I discovered a door. This turned out to be a museum, and the museum was basically a Roman apartment complex that was discovered under the church... after it had been built. Somehow they just didn't notice that they were building on top of a multi-story building. Anyway, it was dark and crumbly and awesome.

Continued out of the park, crossed a crazy-busy intersection, and found myself at the Circus Maximus. This is the first time I've actually gone down into the field, and sadly it's not very exciting. It's basically a big, empty field with sloped hills running along the side where race-goers presumably sat to watch the chariot races. Still, it was pretty cool to walk down the middle of the track and imagine I was Ben Hur, racing down the path while thousands of people cheered me on.

Following my Ben Hur flashback – challenging, considering I've never actually seen Ben Hur – I.... well, I got lost. I became hungry, and figured that I could just wander the back alleys and I'd eventually run across a restaurant. Ha! It is my personal opinion that restaurants do not exist in Rome unless they are in close proximity to a tourist attraction. I eventually collapsed inside a pizzeria that didn't serve pizza, but by that point I was lost.

Luckily for me, Rome is much smaller than you'd think. Utilizing all my cartographic skills, I put away my map, guessed which direction the forum was in, and started walking. Jump five minutes into the future, and I'm standing in front of the Victor Emanuelle II monument. Yay! I proceeded up the Via del Corso aka Shopping Street, although I popped off for a moment for a delicious side quest. I noticed people with very large gelato cones all pouring out from the same alley. Following the trail, I discovered a very fancy gelato boutique, where I acquired a pistachio-chocolate-creme cone. And it was only 3.50 euros! So worth it, although my stomach protested afterwards, as it is wont to do.

Various churches were visited along the way, including the Chiesa del Gesu, S. Ignatio di Loyola, and a couple more whose names I don't remember. I think I read somewhere that there are a thousand churches in Rome. I have no idea if that's true, but I also know that it's impossible to walk through central Rome without encountering at least one church per block.

I took another detour to go see the Ara Pacis, which was closed. Then I crossed the Tiber and walked along the bank a bit. The Tiber isn't a terribly magnificent river, but it's picturesque enough.

Oh no! I forgot the highlight of my day! So on my tourist map, there's this giant ad for the Time Elevator. It's a 5D show about the history of Rome – 5D here meaning the seats shake and they spray water and air at you. And it was delightful. The special effects were terrible, the acting over-the-top, and the motion seats loud and jerky. I couldn't stop laughing pretty much the entire time. My favorite part was when the time-travelling professor revealed his secret identity to Michelangelo in an attempt to motivate him to continue painting, after the pope forbids him from painting pagan imagery in the Sistine Chapel. When Michelangelo doesn't believe him, the professor shows him a holograph of all the future statues Michelangelo will create. This does get Michelangelo back on the painting bandwagon, but the show doesn't address the obvious consequences of the professor's rash actions – namely, the lifetime of therapy Michelangelo will have to endure, as well as the whole issue of what happens when you mess around with the past.

I ended up at Piazza del Popolo, where I took some pictures and then spotted a pizzeria. Pizza! I contemplated ordering salad, but I figure that after a year of not eating salad, I should probably ease my body back into the leafy greens. The pizza was spicy but good, although – and several people will probably kill me for saying this – I do prefer greasy Canadian pizza. Maybe it's because I grew up with it, but Italian pizza is just too... fresh. That sounds crazy, and it is, but there you have it.

Oh wow, totally forgot another thing I did. I also went to the Galleria Doria Pamphilj (pronounced pam-feel-ee). This is the Pamphilj family palace converted into an art gallery. The rooms were opulent, the paintings gorgeous, and the audio guide long-winded and pompous. There were a couple of Caravaggios, the main reason I went in, but they were from early in his career and therefore lacking the chiaroscuro for which I love him so. More impressive was the palace itself, which featured crystal chandeliers, velvet wall hangings, golden cherub tables, etc.

I was wide awake all day... until I climbed onto my bed and was hit with a tsunami of exhaustion. I fell asleep at... wait for it... 9:30 pm. How the mighty have fallen! Although I console myself by remembering that it's better to wake up early when in Rome in October, as things are mostly open during the day, not at night, plus it gets pretty darn chilly once the sun sets. And that is how I rationalize going to bed at grandfather-like hours.

Rome Trip - Days 1+2

October 12^th, 2011 – The Flight

My journey to the city of love (Rome) began at the yawn-worthy hour of 8 a.m. A hard bed combined with stress resulted in maybe five hours of sleep, which bodes really well for the upcoming journey. Anyway, I was out the door around 9:30, hopped the subway to Incheon airport, and was through security/immigration by 11:30. This gave me plenty of time to catch my 12:50 flight, putting lie to my mother's claim that you will miss your flight if you arrive 2 hours early instead of 3.

I flew on Russia's premier airline, the humorously named “Aero Flot”. Now, maybe I just got the runt of the litter, but this plane was old school. We're talking 2-3-2 seating, one level, no individual TVs, and movie screens so small, fuzzy, and poorly place that I didn't even bother trying to watch them. Then again, it was ridiculously cheap, so I guess that's why the plane sucked. On the plus side, the food was good, and as of the time I'm writing this, we have not yet crashed. And yes, I'm aware that I just jinxed myself. OMG. As I wrote that sentence, we hit a pocket of turbulence. It's a sign! We're all going to die! Nooooooooooooooooooes.

Well, long story short, I survived. Cool thing about the Seoul to Moscow flight – my seatmate was a chatty Korean gentleman named Kal Ji Hyung. He told me about his time in the army – apparently he was stationed on an island only 1 km south of the North Korea border! He said that they had a NK refugee swim to their island during his time there, but that they didn't notice him until the guy was already ashore. The soldiers' punishment? Sleep deprivation for five days, complete with hearty whacks across the face if they started to drift off. He was a very cool guy, and we exchanged Facebook info, so hopefully we will keep in touch.

Landing in Moscow was a pain, as it was foggy and raining. Even a jaded traveller like myself was a bit worried, but it all turned out alright. Said goodbye to Kal Ji Hyung, got on my plane to Rome, drifted in and out of sleep the whole way there, and landed without incident.

Customs was a joke. I printed off all these details about my cruise and flight to prove that I really am leaving the country, expecting this massive interrogation about my comings and goings... and all the guy does is glance at my passport and then wave me through. I guess Italy doesn't see a whole lot of terrorist activity, especially coming through South Korea.

I've had several “I'm not in Korea anymore” moments since my departure this morning. First, it's totally unnerving to be surrounded by white people again, and I actually felt myself gravitating towards the Korean passengers, as if I were their long-lost cousin or something. It's a silly thing to feel, for sure, but this is why I'm detouring through Europe before coming home – I've already tried to speak Korean to several Italian people, just from having used it for so long, and I need to get out of the habit ASAP!

Second... shoot, I can't remember the second. Oh yes. I got so used to the ludicrously cheap train / bus / everything tickets in Korea that when the Roman train station lady said 14 euros for a train ticket (that's like $20), I actually did a double take and asked her to repeat the price. I know that stuff in Korea is cheap, but I guess I forgot how stupidly overpriced public transportation actually is in... well, everywhere that isn't Korea, apparently.

I am now sitting on the aforementioned train, wheeling my way towards Termini aka Rome's main train station. From there, assuming my taxi driver is competent, I shall proceed to my hostel, “Coliseum Rooms”, unwind with some Bleach (the show, not the cleaning product), and then attempt to sleep off my inevitable jet lag. To victory!

October 13^th 2011

I awoke at the cruel and unusual time of 7:30 am, but seeing as I couldn't fall back asleep, I made the most of things by getting ready for my day almost immediately. Whoa. I know. The hostel is very nice, really open and modern, and the bed was super comfortable. My shower, however, was less delightful, as the hot water cut out halfway through the cleansing process. I wonder what that's about. I suspect gremlins.

Anyway, I handed over my euros to the hotel owner, who gave me a map of Rome and highlighted the various places that I should check out. I've forgotten all my Italian, so I felt very silly when he spoke various words to me in Italian, but they're slowly coming back – prego, gratzie, caldo, etc. Caldo means “hot”, by the way, which I discovered when the barkeep asked if I wanted latte caldo, and I ended up with a glass of warm milk. Don't get me wrong, it was really good, just not what I was expecting.

Since my arch nemesis is Planning, that saucy vixen, I walked out the door, pulled out my map, chose a direction, and just walked. My first stop ended up being Piazza Vittorio Emanuelle II, not to be confused with the Vittorio Emanuelle monument. It was nice. There were palm trees, and the ruins of an old church, and dogs, and the Porta Magica, which was apparently the secret gateway representing the mysteries of transmuting lead to gold in alchemy. Or something to that effect.

I headed in the direction of the Santa Maria Maggiore basilica, but got sidetracked by two churches off the beaten path. Since I've done all the major tourist attractions in Rome several times over, my goal whilst waiting for mother's arrival is to only do stuff I haven't seen yet. It's going well so far!

Anyway, the Basilica Santa Maria Maggiore is really stunning, exterior and interior. It's got this massive rectangular ceiling done all in golden flowers, and a gorgeous, four-columned gilded whatchamacallit – the big gazebo thing they always have in churches. Like the massive one by Bernini in St. Peter's basilica, where he got all the bronze to make it from melting down old Greek statues. You know what I'm talking about! Yes, so, this basilica was very picturesque, and very gold. I approve.

After this, I continued north towards Piazza della Republica, except my sense of direction is flawed, so I ended up at Piazza del Viminale instead. I ended up finding the correct piazza after some backtracking, and revisited Santa Maria degli Angeli. That would be the church with the meridian line running through the center, and the really cool metal doors that look like they've half-swallowed up people.

I'd forgotten how cool multicultural cities are. In Seoul, you're pretty much guaranteed to hear only Korea, maybe with a smattering of Japanese, Chinese, and English thrown in. In Rome, though... pretty much every language you can think of, plus a few more just for style. It's kind of neat to be a minority, although that won't be the case in a few measly weeks, so I'll enjoy it while I can.

I sat down for lunch around 1:30, and I've rediscovered the annoyance of tipping. As I've probably mentioned, there's no tipping in Korea. As in, if you try to give them a tip, they just hand it right back to you. But I'm not in Korea anymore, and I'd forgotten how frustrating it is to order a ten euro meal, then have to tack on an extra two euros for the tip. I'm sure the waiters appreciate the tips, but it's still annoying.

Lunch was delicious. I had Salmone Pennette, and they gave it to me in the skillet, which I thought was hilarious. I also came very close to burning myself, although, really, that was to be expected.

Following lunch, I made my way over to the Museo Nazionale di Roma. I couldn't remember if I'd been there before, so in I went! There were various statues and mosaics, as Roman museums are wont to have, but two things stood out for me. The first was a map of the ancient world which A) inspired me to hold an Asterix and Obelix party when I get home, and B) made me wonder where the Mediterranean got its name from. Because in the past the Romans called it Mare Internum, which sounds a lot like Mediterranean to me. I suspect that the pronunciation got botched so frequently that the name just morphed into Mediterranean. Also, that word is freaking impossible to spell. Point of reference: two Rs, one N.

I also really liked the wall paintings from the Villas Farnesina and Livia. Farnesina had a bunch of really fantastic second style paintings – the ones with the painted columns and pictures, very 3D and realistic looking. And they had Livia's triclinium – aka the famous garden room! For those of you who didn't take a course on Roman wall painting, these are very famous wall paintings, hence my excitement.

After the museum, hilarity struck. I rediscovered the pretty little garden that Emily, Sean and I found last time we were in Rome, and found a lovely marble bench to relax on. Wanting to sit cross-legged, I elected to remove my shoes so as not to dirty the bench. But then the garden police showed up and ordered me to put my shoes back on! Scandal. I really wanted to laugh, but I restrained myself. I think that making sure people keep their shoes on would be a pretty sweet job.

I wandered north, seeking the Porta Pia, which shows up as a massive gate on my map. It ended up being not very impressive, although I did get to see some army soldiers guarding the gates to what was potentially the British embassy. So that was cool. I then wandered down the Via XX Septembre, and turned up Via Leonida Bissolatti to see a big, nameless building on my map. It, like Porta Pia, wasn't all that great, but I did find a lovely little over-priced cafe nearby which I decided to honour with my patronage.

It was only 5:30 at that point, so I started off with a steaming cup of thick, rich, delicious hot chocolate – or cioccolatte caldo, in Italian (although spelled very, very wrong). I sipped it while reading a book I got in Itaewon called The Immortal Prince. I know, sweet name, right? The book itself is alright. It's got a great premise, but the writing slips up sometimes, using really weird turns of phrase that don't fit with the characters or setting. Regardless, it's certainly better than sitting by myself twiddling my thumbs.

I also got a Greek salad – good god is feta cheese delicious – and after that I went down to the Fontana del Tritone. The fountain wasn't the most impressive thing I've seen, but it looked really good backlit by the street lights. Then I went down into the Metro, helped a German gentleman figure out the ticket machine, got help from an Italian gentleman in using my own ticket at the metro turnstiles, boarded an insanely crowded subway, and successfully traversed the city back to Manzoni station. From there I did some detective work and located my hostel, at which I point I went inside, pulled on my pyjamas, and started writing my day's adventures.

I've discovered that although travelling solo can be pretty fun – you get to do literally whatever you want, when you want, how you want – it's also quite lonely. You don't have that extra person as a buffer, in case you need help figuring out something, or just want moral support in a complex situation. Or even just someone to laugh with after you, say, get told off by the garden cops for taking off your shoes. I'm therefore very excited for mother to arrive, although I will certainly enjoy my alone time while I've got it.

Must-Do Things in Korea

I've been going through all the notebooks I've collected over the past year, and I've found several lists of things that I really enjoyed doing in Korea. I present them here to you now, in no particular order, that future travelers to this glorious country might be inspired by my adventures:

- walk down a street lined with cherry blossom trees in full bloom

- party all night in Seoul, then fall asleep on the train ride home the next morning

- get utterly wasted off of soju, just because you can

- gape at the unexpected grandeur of the Korean War Memorial

- kiss a Korean of your preferred gender

- eat kimbop and secretly think that sushi tastes better... and then change your mind after eating it so many times

- become suspicious that the "Lotte" company secretly rules Korea

- learn that no matter how you pronounce Korean words, you will never be correct

- discover that Everland is a magical place, where employees wave so vigorously that you become seriously concerned their hands will fall off

- get giggled at by small children

- be complimented in English by a Korean at least five times in one day

- become utterly obsessed with K-POP - download at least 150 songs

- get frustrated that the Korean word for ramen is "ram-yon", and that your students will refuse to pronounce it the English way even in English class

- eat bibimbap and wonder what all the fuss is about

- use scissors to cut meat, and realize how much more effective this is than a knife

- purchase tacky K-POP paraphernalia

- download and watch a Korean drama, chosen solely on the basis of how many attractive actors are in the show

- get discounts and amazing service just because you're a foreigner

- eat barbecue shrimp, and pretend not to be affected by their death screams and twitches

- witness a drunk man peeing in the street

- wake up to the melodious sound of the vegetable/electronics truck loudspeaker

- hike up Namsan tower because you can't find the cable car station

If you were wondering, yes, these are all based on personal experience. I'll post more when I think of them.

And to all my loyal readers out there -- how many am I at now, 3? -- you'll be pleased/saddened to know that my time in Korea is finally coming to a close. I leave in just over a week, and after a lovely Mediterranean vacation, I shall return to Canada on November 11th, just in time for Remembrance Day. Where oh where did the year go?

September Update + Student Quotes

September 26, 2011

Lots has happened since the new teachers arrived. In Sun is determined to do at least one day trip a weekend, to maximize my remaining time spent in Korea. I'm down with this, and I've got to tell you, it's been a pretty awesome past month.

Chuseok weekend came up first (that would be Korean Thanksgiving), in which we had Monday and Tuesday off. On Saturday, Denise, Trevor and I headed up to Seoul, where we went to the Yongsan electronics market and bought netbooks for them, and a camera for me. It's Canon, pink, and delightful. Also, the pictures aren't blurry, which is a definite improvement over my previous picture-taking device aka my ipod. We then went to Insadong, where we watched the 16,000 strand candy makers do a little show for us about how to make their honey/flour delicacies. The show was actually better than the candy, although it was still quite good. We finished up the day by going to Yeongdongpo, in which the Times Square mall is located, where we did some bargain hunting in the underground shopping complex.

On Sunday (still the Chuseok holiday), In Sun and I headed up to Seoul Land, which is an amusement park near Suwon. Our goal was not the park, but the modern art museum located behind it. This was quite an exciting day trip. First of all, the subway ride was long and brutal. Then, once we got to the subway station, we had to wait for a shuttle bus to the museum. While we were waiting, we got to witness a father shouting at and beating his child while the baby-toting mother looked on and pleaded with him to stop. Delightful. Were this Canada, I would have called the cops. Unfortunately, this is Korea, so we couldn't do much more than sit there and glare.

The art museum was pretty cool. They had an exhibition of about a dozen French artists who had won some prestigious award. Some of them were awesome – my favorite was a series of brightly painted sculptures of polygon animals and people – while others were lame. Considering how ridiculous modern art is, I was quite impressed by the high percentage of not-horrible art featured.

Monday was the highlight of the holiday weekend. We, being me, In Sun, Lyle, Denise, and Trevor, went to... wait for it... drum beat please... EVERLAND! Everland is, of course, the most awesome Korean amusement park, featuring such rides as the T-Express wooden roller coaster, Biking Ship (more on that later), and assorted other attractions.

And I have to tell you, it was pretty darn fantastic. It's massive, it's a legitimate theme park (unlike Canada's Wonderland, which tacks on the 'theme' part as an afterthought), the rides are pretty sweet, the food is excellent, the staff are beyond friendly, the music is catchy... awesome. The biking ship is actually a swinging viking ship, except when my kids talk about it, they can't pronounce the “v”, so it comes out as “biking”. Except then they write it with a B in essays and refuse to correct it. Hence, the biking ship, despite the fact that there are no bicycles in any way associated with the ride.

We went to the safari area and looked at various zoo animals, then went to a hilarious animal show. After that we went to the T-Express, which is a giant wooden roller coaster. Imagine Behemoth, except made of wood. Phenomenal. I wanted to ride again, but by that point we had to get to the main plaza for the fireworks show. It was over the top and amazing, as many things seem to be in Korea. I'm really going to miss this country.

Tuesday was just a relaxing day, so not much to talk about there. The next weekend, Lyle, In Sun and I took a bus trip out to see a sheep farm, an herb garden, and the East sea. It was... fine. We had to wake up at the insanely early time of 4am, which was less than ideal, because we had to be in Seoul by 7:30 am. The trip itself was alright. The herb garden was beautiful, but then it started getting rainy and windy, so the beach and sheep farm weren't the most pleasant. One of the highlights for me was the fish restaurant at the beach, where we had sashimi and noodles – spicy yet delicious. I'm becoming quite adept at consuming spicy food.

The Sunday of that weekend was another relaxing day. Oh no, wait, we went to Songtan. I bought more stuff to bring home – I really need to stop spending all my money! - and we had some delicious Thai food. It sucks that the new teachers arrived just as I was leaving, because I really like them.

Almost caught up! Phew. Okay, so last weekend was our day trip out to Seodoksa temple, the West sea, and shrimp BBQ. The temple was cool – it's the same one I saw on my Apple Festival trip back in Fall 2010. So it was enjoyable but not exciting and new. The shrimp BBQ, on the other hand... wow. So they have these big tanks full of shrimp swimming around, and then the lady scoops out a kilogram of them, takes them to your table, dumps them into the sizzling skillet, and holds the lid down while the shrimp scream and squirm about as they are fried to death. Once you've murdered a kilogram of shrimp, you pull off the head-plate section, and then eat the entire thing, eyes and all. It sounds disgusting, and the concept certainly was, although the taste/texture wasn't half bad. So not something I would do again, but definitely a cool experience.

And that pretty much sums up the last three weeks. Oh no, wait! On Sunday (the day after the BBQ shrimp adventure), I ended up going to Myeongdong in the evening. That would be the trendy shopping area. I acquired many things, got a massage, and ate a plethora of foodstuffs, including a bacon-wrapped sausage, a foot-high soft-serve green tea ice cream cone, and a fried potato spiral on a skewer. I also got interviewed by some college girls who were doing an assignment for their English class! Their English was terrible, but they were trying really hard, so I went along with it.

As of the time I am writing this, I have 8 full teaching days left, assuming my evening classes don't get cancelled due to Holding. Holding, as a reminder, means the two-week period in which students study for, and then write, their midterm tests. I have 5 weekend days (as Monday is a holiday), and then... free! I'll have to check with CK and make sure that he remembers I'm leaving, because he tends to have trouble with that sort of thing, lol.

September 27, 2011

Special edition section! The following is a collection of quotes I have gathered over the last year from my students. Read, laugh, and enjoy.

1

“Teacher, he is touching my body!” - Tony, re: Jerome

“Teacher, he is touching my thigh!” - Tony, re: John

2

Dean: You are gangster.

Me: I am Michelle “Red Tiger” Proulx.

Dean: I am “Red Evil”.

Me: I think you mean “devil”.

3

Victoria's Essay (topic: my best friend): “In third grade and fourth grade, we're same class. She is intact. I feel little awkward. But we can intimate indebtedness old days recollection.”

4

Me: “Michin go-ni?” (crazy person)

Mike: That is bad word. You will get punishment.

Me: What will my punishment be?

Mike: (shakes finger) You will know.

5

Me: If you could be any animal, what animal would you be?

Student: Giraffe.

Me: Why?

Student: Because strange.

6

Orangeman Essay: “I couldn't believe my eyes. Mt. Sulack was covered with snok. It was fantastic. I felt comfortable.”

7

Me: What animal do you want to be?

Nick: A carrot.

8

Leah's #1 favourite song: Puff the Magic Dragon

9

Lucia: I don't like Harry Potter because he is very short.

10

Me: Now, girls, why do you love Beast so much?

Leah: Because they are Beast.

11

Me: Meep meep! Meep meep!

Sun: Shut up! Shut up!

Me: (pretends to cry)

Sun: Teacher! Sorry! Sorry! You are beautiful!

12

John: Art is like Jerome.

Jerome: Terrible.

13

Me: What makes you different from other people?

John: My face.

14

Me: When you mix a horse and a donkey, what do you get?

Victoria: Don Quixote.

14

Me: What is that delicious smell?

Jerome: (points at CK)

Me: CK?

John: CK BBQ.

Busan Beach City

August 13, 2011

For our last long weekend, Jesse and I elected to go to Busan. This is the second largest city in Korea, located at the southern tip of the peninsula. It's famous for beaches and fish. As always, we did the bare minimum of planning, and ended up leaving the house around 3 pm on Saturday.

The next train to Busan left at 6:30, so we went for Indian food at Yak & Everest. The mutton tikka and chicken tikka masala were both delicious, but as I discovered after, Indian food and I don't mix all that well. There were some indigestion issues, so I spent the first hour or so of the train ride breathing shallowly and trying not to look out the window. Sigh. Well played, body, well played.

On the four-and-a-half hour train ride, Jesse and I alternated between reading our respective books and watching season 2 of Glee. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to actually say this, as Jesse doesn't want his little friends to find out that he watches Glee... but then again, I doubt his little friends will be reading this, so no secrecy necessary! He was resistant to watching it at first, but if you don't take it seriously it's really hilarious, which he has since come to appreciate.

We arrived in Busan at around 11:20, whereupon we set out to find a hotel. In a stellar display of failing, I had somehow forgotten that this was a holiday weekend – despite the fact that I got Monday off. Anyway, the first two places we went to were booked up full, so we resorted to wandering the back streets of Busan looking for a hotel with free rooms. We found a promising place – promising in that it said “Motel” on the sign – until we discovered that it was next door to a strip club. That, or it was actually part of the strip club, we weren't too sure. Regardless, we decided to find something a little less... sketchy.

The hotel we found had two single rooms left, which we snatched up just before a horde of weigooks arrived looking for rooms. We felt a little bad – well, I did, at least – until we realized that there were about twelve of them, and they would have never fit into two rooms anyway. Moral dilemma resolved, we grabbed burgers from Lotteria, ate them, and retired to our separate rooms for bed.

Check out time was 10 am, which meant that I had to get up at 9 am. Unfortunately for me, my body dislikes sudden changes in schedule, and I had spent the last week going to bed around 4 am. Apparently intent on spiting me, my body forbade me from going to sleep until around 3:30 am, which meant I got about 5.5 hours sleep. Fan-freaking-tastic. Still, I managed to get out of bed and into the shower without any major catastrophes, like stumbling off the balcony in a sleep-deprived haze.

We had originally planned to spend Sunday and Monday in Busan, until Jesse pointed out that the only things we were really interested in seeing – a sea-side temple whose name I've already forgotten, and the Busan aquarium – could easily be done in a day. Thus we bought train tickets for the 9 pm train, and proceeded down to Haeundae beach for our day of frolicking in the sun.

Since the weather report had read partially cloudy, high chance of thunderstorms, we didn't bother to pack sunscreen. Spoiler alert: Jesse and I both got badly sunburned. The nice thing about sunburns, though, is that you don't really notice you've gotten one until a few hours after. Therefore I was able to enjoy Busan without pain... and then spent the train ride home ruing my lack of foresight. Ah well.

The sea-side temple is unique in that it is the only Buddhist temple in Korea not built on a mountain. It was quite spectacular. You walk down a stone staircase that winds through a forest of young bamboo shoots, and then emerge from the greenery to see this sprawling temple perched amidst the rocks. We lounged on a rocky shelf for a while, just enjoying the view, then headed into the temple complex itself.

I really like going to Buddhist temples, because I like to watch the people praying. That sounds sort of creepy, but I really do. It's very spiritual, and even though I have severe reservations about religion in general, I almost always find myself admiring people who believe so strongly in their faith. Buddhism is especially fun in that worship takes the form of standing, then kneeling, then bowing, then kneeling, then standing back up again, multiple times, possibly a set number of times, or maybe even just until the worshipper feels they've done sufficient praying for the moment.

Jesse wasn't quite so tickled by the worshippers, so we headed up the steps to see a big statue of the Mother of Mercy, then down into a shockingly warm cave to see a stone Buddha. After eating some delicious ice cream, I stopped into the washroom. I mention this because it was possibly the most traumatizing experience of my life. Alright, that's an exaggeration, but it was still creeptastic beyond all belief.

So I do my business and turn to flush the toilet... only to discover that the speckled wall, which I thought was some sort of tile design, is actually speckled by hundreds of flies. Not just the tile wall, but the walls of the bathroom stall as well. And the ceiling. Then I go outside the stall to wash my hands. The walls are covered in them. The ceiling too. And the mirror in front of the sink. Just... this bathroom is infested with literally thousands of flies, but not flying around like flies are wont to do. They just sat still on the wall, like some gruesome insectophobe's nightmare, staring at you like they're about to mass-swarm you and devour your flesh. I barely managed to contain my shriek of despair as I fled the scene.

That horrific experience was only the beginning, as the temple was about 20 minutes away from the beach, and we needed to get back there to see the aquarium. Jesse and I had taken a taxi there, but there was a horde of people waiting for taxis when we left, and not a taxi in sight. Instead we opted to take the bus. Using all the pushing-through-crowds skills I have developed over the years, I scored Jesse and I spots on the bus, which then proceeded to fill up as tight as a 9 am, Western-bound 2 Dundas bus. Even better, Korean bus drivers are batshit insane. They brake without warning, delight in taking sharp, fast turns, and just seem to have a general disregard for the well-being of their passengers. We spent about half an hour bumping and falling into our fellow passengers, who returned the favor, until someone finally got off and I snagged a sort-of seat on a risen floor segment. From there it was child's play, at least for me, except I think my seat was right above the engine, because it was uncomfortably hot. Still, it was worse for Jesse, who got some sort of rubber burn from his foot digging into his flipflop every time the bus jostled.

After such horrors, it seemed a good time to break for lunch. Jesse wanted bibimbap, except the restaurants all seemed to be samgyopsal places (thick bacon slice BBQ). We ended up at Papa John's Pizza, which was delicious, and we brought some along to eat later. Once again my stomach failed me, and we wandered along the beach for about an hour while I recovered.

The Busan Aquarium is pretty darn awesome, if I say so myself. There's this massive tank that you can actually float above in a glass-bottom boat, which we didn't do. They've got sharks and manta rays and jellyfish and all sorts of awesome marine fauna, and there's even a glass tunnel you can walk through to see it all up close. I snapped a pic every time a shark came close, although I don't think they turned out very well. Curved glass is remarkably good at distorting images.

At the end of the exhibition was the Mola Mola fish tank. I wouldn't have cared about them at all – they are somewhat dull, as far as fish go – except that we learned about them in Friday Special Day class. The mola mola fish, you see, is so incompetent that it can't distinguish the glass walls from the water, so it bumps straight into the wall. At that point you'd think it would turn around and try a different direction... but this is the mola mola fish we're talking about. They don't believe in defeat. Instead, they start slamming themselves against the glass walls in a futile attempt to break through, so much so that they got concussions. The marine biologists ended up coating the glass in a thin layer of nylon in order to save these delightfully daft fish from their own stupidity.

We proceeded back to Busan station, pleased with our accomplishments, and dined on green tea gelato while we waited for the train. The train didn't arrive in Pyeongtaek until 2 am, by which point I was basically asleep on my feet, and I fell into bed almost immediately upon arriving home.