All Aboard!

October 25^th, 2011

On Saturday we went to the Tempietto and Castel San Angelo. The Tempietto is a round temple near the Spanish Embassy in Trastevere. It marks the site where St. Peter was crucified upside-down. Since it's Mom's favourite temple, we spent a fair deal of time there, and she claims that it has inspired her next dungeon. Considering how awesome it was, I'm pretty psyched to see what she cooks up.

Castel San Angelo is the big, round, brown building near St. Peter's on the riverside, for anyone who has been to Rome. It was originally constructed to be the tomb of Emperor Hadrian (he of Hadrian's Wall fame), but then, as everything in Rome, it was converted to Christianity and became a church... then a fortress... then a prison... and now a tourist attraction!

There's a really big bastion wall around the outside, various parts of which are named for saints. You can walk up past the treasure room, which features several huge metal chests that once held the popes treasures. The popes, you see, used to live in Castel San Angelo, at least until it got too dangerous and they had to vacate. And if you go to the top of the fort you can get a glorious view of Rome. It was a bit dilapidated, but very cool nonetheless.

On Sunday we went to the Appian Way, which is a long road that runs out the south end of Rome. It was built back in Roman times, since the Romans realized that good infrastructure is the key to a long-lasting empire. There are milestone markers every – wait for it – mile, and various catacombs, churches, and villas line the cobblestone road.

We took a bus down to the third milestone marker, got some lunch, then walked up to St. Sebastian's church. This is very important, because Sebastian is my favorite saint. I don't know what he did or why he died, but I do know that he died via arrows to the chest! He's very easy to pick out in artwork, and his death poses are always very dramatic, hence my attraction. And in his church they had a statue of him and presumably bits and pieces of his body as well. So that was fun.

Also visited on Sunday were catacombs. Catacombs, as in the kilometres long underground tunnels in which Christians buried / entombed their dead. It was... well, it was an experience. It wasn't particularly interesting for me, especially as our tour guide's accent was so thick that I could barely understand a sixth of what he said, although I guess it was kind of cool to be in an actual catacomb. It would have been better with zombies, but I suppose you can't ask for everything.

Monday was laundry day, as well as the Mouth of Truth and the Roman Forum. I did not get my hand devoured by the mouth, so I guess that means I'm a truthful person. And the forum was actually pretty sweet, as they've both started charging an entrance fee and opened up a bunch of previously closed sites. This means the signs are better quality now, plus there's more to see. We wandered around and took pictures, and I regaled mother with gangster-ized tales of Greek mythology.

The next morning – Tuesday – we had to get up nice and early to make our 10:30 check out time. We ended up being about 5 minutes late, but Miss Simona (the landlady) didn't give us a hard time. Final thoughts on the Rome apartment: both room and water was very cold, great location, moderately priced, helpful landlady. I wouldn't stay there again next time, but then I'm not planning on going to Rome for a long while. I've done it four times now, seen all the highlights, seen many of the lowlights, and developed a healthy dislike for their public transport system – I'd say I'm set.

So we left the apartment at 10:30, and struggled through the metro with our bags to get to Termini station. Rome apparently detests convenience, because there are only stairs in the subways – no escalators! This is not normally a problem, except for when you're, you know, carrying super heavy luggage around. On the plus side, a kindly Roman gentleman did help us carry our bags up one flight of stairs, so that did brighten our day a little. Thank you, amicable stranger!

We paused at the Termini station book shop so that Mom, who didn't bring any reading material, could purchase a book. I picked out one for her, and we headed off. Whilst Mom waited in a very long line, I attempted to use the automatic ticket machines, where a kind lady helped me out. It turned out she was actually one of those scam artists who helps you and then demands money, but she did actually prove of some use, so I gave her a euro and waved her away.

I got us tickets for the next train to Civitavecchia (the port), which left in 10 minutes. I figured that this would be fine, since we were like a minute away from the tracks. What I didn't realize is that the train to Civitavecchia leaves from platform 29, which is approximately a 10 minute walk from the rest of the platforms. Huzzah! So we half-ran half-jogged with our super heavy luggage through the hordes of people, and made it onto the train juuuuuust before it left. Mom wasn't pleased, but hey, we made it!

Got to Civitavecchia around 1 pm, and discovered that you have to walk to the port itself before you can get on the shuttle bus. Fine. So we walked the 400 meters and found the port. Then we waited 30 minutes for the shuttle, because apparently running buses any faster than that would be sheer madness. From there, things went much more smoothly – a good thing, as we were kind of frazzled by that point. Made it through check in no problem, were warned to wash our hands to avoid contagious gastrointestinal viruses (yay?) and boarded the MS Noordam!

We found our stateroom – on the 8^th deck, with a balcony and everything! - deposited our jackets, and headed out for lunch. The Lido deck has a buffet, so I had a delicious plate of mixed Asian food while Mom nibbled on some fruit salad. I will probably gain about 7-8 pounds on this cruise, and I know I should be wary about that, but... the food is soooo good! Sigh.

When the ship finally left port, we encountered a problem. You see, Mom gets sea sick very easily, and the waters were unnaturally rough for most of the early evening. We're talking try to walk down the hall and sway from wall to wall rough. It was bad. Mom lay down for about an hour and popped some gravol, while I did the meds part but also unpacked my suitcase. We tried to get ourselves into a stateroom on a lower deck, reasoning that the boat tilts more the higher up you go, but the cruise is booked solid.

We eventually ventured out for some food, and after some starch and ginger ale – not to mention the ship stopped moving so much – Mom felt a lot better. The food on this ship is... wow. Just fantastic. And we didn't even go to the fancy dining room, just the plain old buffet. We got chicken and prime rib and mashed potatoes and... yum yum yum. This is how people get so fat on cruises. There's so much food available all the time, but the worst part is that it is so delicious. If it was mediocre, there wouldn't be such a problem.

Tomorrow we're headed to Monaco, where we will be doing a shore excursion to Monte Carlo. We don't know quite what that will entail, but it does require us to get up at 7:00, which is lame. Regardless, I expect that we will have many fun times, and I will have to remember to pick up a postcard for Emily! She wants a postcard from all the new places I go, and I can't disappoint her or she won't make me cupcakes anymore.

October 27, 2011

Yesterday we woke up at the not-at-all-mind-numbing hour of 6:00 a.m. in order that mother and I both have the time required to wash, dress, and eat breakfast (room service!). We hit the auditorium by 8:30 am, then got to wait for the tenders – aka the little boats that bring you to shore. At the large sea ports they have actual docks you can, you know, dock at, but for the smaller ports, like Monaco, you have to leave your ship out to sea and get to shore via the tenders.

The waters were still a bit rough, so the tenders were boarding slowly. Imagine trying to jump onto a boat that's bobbing maybe a meter up and down. Now imagine you're sixty years old. It took a while for everyone to get on, let's just say that, shall we?

So we got ashore by 9:15, and the tour bus moved out around 9:30. Our first stop was a panoramic view of the city, which was, indeed, very panoramic. Some quick facts about Monaco for y'all: 2km square area, 35k population, 40k workers who commute from France and Italy, highest per capita wealth in the world. Monaco is basically a city where all the richest of the rich come to live, and this is entirely because it's a tax haven. Legit citizens – people who were born there – pay no taxes, and residents (people who gain citizenship) pay 5.5%. Compared to pretty much anywhere else, that's pretty sweet.

Rules to become a resident of Monaco: A) invest 1 million euros into the country. B) purchase land in Monaco. Note that land in Monaco is approximately 40k euros per square meter. Yeah. And C) live in Monaco half the year. This last rule is the easiest to flout, as residents simply hire people to live in their houses for them and then go chill elsewhere. Occupy Wall Street should take a field trip to Monaco if they really want something to complain about.

So we left the panoramic view and went over to Monacoville, which is one of the four districts in the country/city/principality where the palace, main church, law house, etc. are housed. The palace was meh, but it was fun to learn that Monaco has 0% crime. This is because they have cameras everywhere, so good luck committing a crime without being immediately caught.

Then we travelled back down to the new section of Monaco – built on land reclaimed from the sea – and we drove on our bus to the part of the road where the... wait for it... where the Grand Prix starts! We stopped at the starting line – the line, as well as car starting positions, are permanently painted on the road – and then the bus driver pretended to rev his engines and compete in the Grand Prix. It was silly but fun.

The best came last... can you guess? Monte Carlo, baby! Grand Casino, Cafe de Paris, Hotel de Paris, Gucci, Prada, etc. The Grand Casino didn't open until 2pm, so we couldn't go inside, but we did go to the casino inside the Cafe de Paris. We played the slots – I played Firebird, and Mom played a goldfish themed game. I increased my profits by 250%, and mother tripled her money. We only started off with 10 euros, of course, but it was still pretty awesome.

Headed back to the ship – the tender line took forever – and then went up to the Trivia Challenge in the Crow's Nest. Cruise people take their trivia seriously. There were like 10 teams with 6 people a team, answers were argued with the game coordinator, tempers flared, etc. We didn't win, needless to say. After that we went to the Northern Lights disco lounge (partay!) and played Scattergories, which was unbelievably intense.

It was formal night on the MS Noordam (the first of four), so mother and I prettied ourselves up and headed to the dining room. We sat with a man from Germany and his Australian friend who met over the internet, as well as two ladies from Florida. One lady, who had to be 90, was telling Mom these amazing stories – how she hired a famous painter to do her portrait, and he fell in love with her, how she's cruised around the world twice, etc. etc. The German man beside me was practising his English, and he regaled me with tales of Germany, as well as his Australian cruise, which was on a cruise ship so tiny and awful that his room flooded and they had to replace the carpeting.

Dinner itself was alright. I got a shrimp cocktail (very nice), salad (what can I say, it was salad), and roasted quail with goat cheese and spinach stuffing. The quail sounds very fancy, which it was, but it was kind of boring – basically a tiny chicken. I felt really bad for it – like I was eating a budgie or something. Not to mention it was a lot more trouble than it was worth. Dessert was brownies and cheesecake, since I was teetering between the two options so much that my waiter decided to just bring me both of them without consulting me, lol.

After dinner we headed to the show lounge for “Ballroom Blitz”, which I thought was pretty good, as far as cruise ship entertainment goes. It was also the Captain's Meet and Greet, so we got free champagne and did a toast to various crew members. The show was kind of a showcase of different types of dances – salsa, waltz, disco, ballet, etc. There were also four singers who sang various accompanying songs. Of course, this cruise – based both on the price and the time of year – is marketed towards retirees, so all the music was pre-1990. It was still really neat, though, and I heard lots of great songs I've never encountered before.

This morning (we're now on Thursday), we docked in Barcelona, Spain. We didn't have a shore excursion planned for the day, so mother let me sleep in until 8:30 am. I know. Wild. We got breakfast delivered like the decadent folk we are, got dressed, then encountered a hiccup in the form of mom having to email various work people before we could leave. We didn't actually get off the ship until 11:30 am, which was later than I would have preferred, although luckily the ship remained at port until 4:30 pm, so we had at least a few hours to check out Barcelona.

It wasn't a terribly pleasant day, weather-wise, as it was overcast in the early afternoon, and later started pouring. We walked up the Rambla (big, famous street in Barcelona), which was lined with restaurants, shops, tourist attractions, etc. A metro loomed up in front of us, and we decided to take it to go see the Sagrada de Familia church, designed by Gaudi. The name may not sound familiar, but you definitely know this building – it's brown, has four kind of flowery spires, looks like the facade is melting? Google it if you need a better description.

They had recently added a post-modern facade to the front door, which I personally thought was kind of... well, not exactly in keeping with the style of the church. Sagrada de Familia, you see, was started by Gaudi back in the 1890s, and still hasn't finished being built. All the entrance fees from tourists go towards the construction. So there were cranes everywhere, scaffolding, etc. - not very impressive.

Then we walked inside. You know that “holy shit” moment, when you discover something so mind-blowing that you kind of rock back on your heels and your thoughts go blank and you can't quite believe what you're seeing? Yeah, had one of those. The inside of this church is just phenomenal. It's got columns sprouting from all over the place that arch up into the roof and kind of melt into it, like a forest of tree trunks disappearing up into the canopy. Art deco stained glass windows everywhere, stone of every colour – grey, pink, blue, purple, etc. - spiral staircases that looked like they were straight out of Rivendell... fantastic. Just breath-taking. And the church isn't even finished yet – only one side is done, with the other still lacking stained glass and various other things. When they finally finish it I'm definitely going back, because I'm pretty sure it will be the most amazing building I will have ever seen.

Anyway, we liked the church. Once we hit up the gift shop, we took the metro back to the Rambla, where we stopped in a restaurant for tapas – tapas being little bowls of various snacks like seafood or potatoes or olives or whatever. We ate them with some sangria, and it was fairly cool. They were also playing a pop music countdown on the TV, which disturbed me, as I didn't recognize a single song. I need to catch up on my western music!

Headed back to the ship and hit up the trivia game once more. This time we were paired with a couple from South Texas who had wandered in out of curiosity and were delightfully chill about the game. We didn't win. Then we worked – correction, I wrote this blog and watched Bleach, and mother worked – and then went to Scattergories. We didn't win – this seems to be a developing trend – although we did get less incensed than yesterday.

We had dinner at the buffet, which wasn't all that good, unfortunately, although maybe I was spoiled by the fancy dinner last night. After that, though, we went to the show, which was great, and then we gambled a bit. I won $40 on the slots, then lost it all at the poker table. I then lost $7.50 more on the slots, so I guess that puts me down $2.50. Not too shabby, and lots of fun, although I think I'll stick to the slots from now on. They are very loud and colourful, which I enjoy. A lot.

We popped into the Karaoke room as well, which was hilarious. There was a really great singer named Mark who sounded similar to Frank Sinatra... and then there was the awful lady who screeched her way through a song I can't even remember. I've blocked it out of my memory. Mom tried to bribe me to sing, but I resisted with heroic effort. I threw her off the scent by saying “maybe next time”, so we'll so what happens!